My Dream Man

If you’re a girl, most likely you have “The List” or have been told you need to have “The List”. (At least for most of my readership. :) ) If you’re a guy, you most likely know about or have “The List”. If you haven’t heard of it, “The List” is a list that some people encourage girls and guys alike to have. It lists all the qualities that you would like your future spouse to have. However, I — yes, again — got to thinkin’. ;) “The List” displays a lack of trust in God. True, it’s good to remember that you want to marry a Christian, virgin, etc. but to list that you want “a strong leader”, “a guy who likes kids”, “a girl who’s willing to hunt”, “someone who likes punk pop”, etc. is almost pointless, and not to mention self-reliant. The way it’s pointless is that you most likely won’t be interested in someone who doesn’t share the same interests. Obviously, a hunter is not going to hang out with/be interested in a girl who’s huge into PETA. And similarly, a girl who adores kids won’t be interested in/hang out with a guy who couldn’t stand them. It displays self-reliance in the way that we believe we know ourselves and needs and wants better than God Himself does. Does He not number the hairs on our heads? Does He not care for us, sometimes giving us situations we did not wish for, knowing that it will be advantageous to us in the end? So why would we try to override His omniscient knowledge with our trivial lists? Also, as a sidenote, this is all trivial. Does it really matter in the end whether or not someone listens to a certain style of music or watches a certain genre of movies? (Considering the choice of music/movies isn’t evil, of course. :P )

One last thought: A good friend of mine once saw one girl’s “The List” and said that lists like that intimidate him, since he knows he cannot be that man all the time. His attitude was one of “Why bother? I know I’ll never be able to achieve that anyway, so pursuing her would be purposeless.” Even though the girl who wrote the list probably understood that the man she marries will never be that way all the time, she didn’t realize that her standards might scare away some completely potential and worthy young men.

Maybe it’s just a good idea to get rid of lists altogether. Hold certain standards but remain open. Only God knows what is best for you. Why try to plan what only God knows?

Questions of the Heart

Who would've guessed that one could give a piece of her heart away to some man she had never met and merely thought was “hot”, implying she had little respect for him. Yet apparently it can happen. I did it.

One day, I mentioned to my friend how good-looking I thought some actors were. She believed I had seriously fallen for them, and hinted that I shouldn't say such things. I replied that I couldn't help it if they were hot. “Hot” is a term I reserve for those I have never met, have little respect for as people, and are extremely good-looking, yet she mentioned that by saying things like that my future husband would only have a tiny, gnawed-on piece of my heart left. Needless to say, this not only seemed illogical to me as I could never give a piece of my heart to someone I've never met, but also peaked my curiosity. Where did this idea of “pieces of the heart” come from?

Through the next year or so, I kept hearing about “pieces of the heart”, usually in direct correlation with “emotional purity”. At first, I found the idea rational, as most ideas are. But the more I read, the more it didn't make sense. Of course it had its valid points, but the logic just wasn't matching up.

Deciding to sort out my thoughts on paper, the idea for this research paper was born. My goal is not to change minds, nor to attack those who follow the emotional purity movement, rather to share what I have found and to inspire others to think for themselves on this subject. It is with much prayer, thought, and discussion with others that I have written this. Unfortunately, not all points may be covered as thoroughly as I would like, but it should suffice for now. I may recant my position on some of this eventually. However, this is my current decision on emotional purity.

Click here to read the full paper.

Good Guys Finish Last

It wasn't until after I watched the movie and began discussing it with my mom that I realized what this character portrayed. The movie was Bedtime Stories. The character in question, a guy I would guess to be in his late twenties/early thirties named “Skeeter”. Played up as a poor, picked-on underdog, I'm sure many people failed to see his true personality. Several times throughout the movie, he displayed rude, selfish behavior as well as a poor work ethic and the opinion that he deserved better just for being a somebody's son. He is basically what I describe as a “loser”, not to mention “jerk”. Yet in this film, he is portrayed as the protagonist, whom everyone admires and likes, despite his shortcomings. Sure, he was “normal” and could be funny. But his crude behavior honestly ruined any desire of any sort to like this man. When a guy shuts the door in a woman's face twice purposely in an attempt to prove a point, I lose most of my respect for him. When he asks the same woman to pretend to be his girlfriend in an attempt to make other women jealous, I lose all respect for him. If he deserved respect, he would get it. Of course, in the end, he does one single thing respectable (at his father's ghost's prompting), becomes the hero, and gets the girl (the same girl whom he treated so disrespectfully).

Unfortunately, this portrayal of a “normal” guy sets low standards for today's young men. Maybe I am just overly aware of standards at this point as I am reading Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris. But the point is, I cringe to think of how many younger guys saw how funny and cool Skeeter was depicted as being, in turn deciding it will be funny and cool to be rude, selfish, and even outright obnoxious at times. Hollywood needs to grow up, take responsibility, and give young men (and women, for that matter) role models worth emulating. Why do we complain about irresponsible, disrespectful “losers” and “jerks” when we depict them as “normal”, “funny”, “cool”, and even “heroes”?

Since starting this essay, I have kept my eyes open for any other examples and I found one in an unexpected movie. Supercross, which I do not recommend watching incidentally, is the story of two brothers. Throughout the movie, I described them as “Jerk” and “Loser”. The oldest brother was an arrogant jerk, the younger a good-for-nothing loser. However, during one scene, the younger (nicknamed “Trip”) displays moral good sense, looking away from a woman undressing, even though he should be “used to it” by now. Right there, during the movie, I exclaimed, “The loser is moral!” The guy not portrayed as cool, but as a loser, had some sense of morality. But, as he became “cooler”, he lost this sense of morality.

This does not even scratch the surface of this issue, nor does it address what Hollywood portrays as cool for girls. I do not expect this to be a profound revelation to anybody; therefore, you may take this as a rant and complaint. That is, most likely, what it is.