A Feminine Influence

Although I have always been told about the influence women have on men, watching Walk the Line has truly given me a visual and cemented the idea in my mind. The influence the two female main characters (Vivian, his wife, and June, his “co-worker”) had on Johnny Cash is plain to see. Many of Vivian's personality traits were not compatible with Johnny's, therefore causing many problems. June's personality traits however meshed well with his. Despite this, I feel Vivian could have made her marriage more tolerable by simply following her man. Not that she was actively trying to lead him, but she was not willing to follow either. While I watched Walk the Line the second time, I took notes and these were some of the things I noticed.

Vivian displayed a distinct lack of trust in Johnny's abilities. Part of this may have stemmed from her gut instinct to listen to her father who disapproved of the marriage. Not marrying him would probably have been wise anyway as they had dated for only one month, two years before he contacted her again. She also appears to have been a “daddy's girl”, and desired to marry a man like her father. However, Johnny was not her father. While she preferred a financially stable situation, Johnny's dream job did not provide financial stability. When it came to his musical career, Vivian had little appreciation for his talents and abilities. She was not willing to travel with him on tours, therefore causing jealousy when he made friends that were not her friends as well. Her low tolerance for his enthusiasm about a great show sent him seeking someone who could share in his celebration. She disapproved of his fan base. His being away made her bitter toward him. Basically, everyone appreciated him except his wife – whom he sought approval from the most. (She did show appreciation once, after he proved himself to be working hard. Also, her personality was most likely more suited for a man with a consistent job and income.)

On the other hand, June took mishaps in stride, making the best of them. She openly admired his talents and abilities. She took interest in his career, life, and family. She showed concern for him, as well as kindness in giving her book to him. Since she too was in the musical career, she understood the need for tours and how important his band was to him. She was down-to-earth, fun, and adventurous, always willing to try something new. She had the support of her family, giving her a sense of security which allowed her to then support Johnny's endeavors. “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31:26) seems to have been June's motto. She spoke kindly to all, in a manner of meekness.

Although Vivian seems to have been a “bad wife”, I have had a very hard time writing about her in a negative way. I am convinced she could have been a “good wife”, if only she had listened to her father and married someone more suited for her personality, or even just followed Johnny in all he did, showed her appreciation, and simply been his companion. However, these are excellent examples of how a woman can make or break her man.

Since so much emphasis is put on the submission of the wife in Christian circles, often we forget to teach women about their influence. It could be argued that as long as the wife submitted herself to her husband, she won't have to be so careful with her power and part of that may be true. But a woman must also realize her power is also found in approval, appreciation, and sincerity, not just following. A lot of this can be solved by merely being a best friend, the one who does not cover their eyes when wrong is being done, yet always encourages and is 100% behind their best friend¹.

So, forget the dog; be your man's best friend.

Verses to Ponder: Proverbs 17:22, Isaiah 51:3, Proverbs 11:22, Proverbs 11:16, Proverbs 14:1, Ephesians 5:33

(Disclaimer: I feel Walk the Line is best viewed as an awareness movie, for several reasons.)

1Note: I thought a little more about this and thought it best to add that being 100% behind someone, even a spouse, does not mean following them in evildoing. If the husband is participating in wrongful activities, he is clearly stepping outside his role as a Christian husband. Usually during this time, it would be wise to step away from him (different levels for different situations) with the children (if there are any involved).

Questions of the Heart

Who would've guessed that one could give a piece of her heart away to some man she had never met and merely thought was “hot”, implying she had little respect for him. Yet apparently it can happen. I did it.

One day, I mentioned to my friend how good-looking I thought some actors were. She believed I had seriously fallen for them, and hinted that I shouldn't say such things. I replied that I couldn't help it if they were hot. “Hot” is a term I reserve for those I have never met, have little respect for as people, and are extremely good-looking, yet she mentioned that by saying things like that my future husband would only have a tiny, gnawed-on piece of my heart left. Needless to say, this not only seemed illogical to me as I could never give a piece of my heart to someone I've never met, but also peaked my curiosity. Where did this idea of “pieces of the heart” come from?

Through the next year or so, I kept hearing about “pieces of the heart”, usually in direct correlation with “emotional purity”. At first, I found the idea rational, as most ideas are. But the more I read, the more it didn't make sense. Of course it had its valid points, but the logic just wasn't matching up.

Deciding to sort out my thoughts on paper, the idea for this research paper was born. My goal is not to change minds, nor to attack those who follow the emotional purity movement, rather to share what I have found and to inspire others to think for themselves on this subject. It is with much prayer, thought, and discussion with others that I have written this. Unfortunately, not all points may be covered as thoroughly as I would like, but it should suffice for now. I may recant my position on some of this eventually. However, this is my current decision on emotional purity.

Click here to read the full paper.

Thoughts on Do Hard Things

"Most people don't expect you to understand what we're going to tell you in this book. And even if you understand, they don't expect you to care. And even if you care, they don't expect you to do anything about it. And even if you do something about it, they don't expect it to last. We do."

--Back cover of Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris

This is the type of dynamic writing I aspire to. It jumps right out and grabs you by the head and says, "Listen up. Are you going to excel or are you going to meet the world's expectations?" My personality is one to reply, "You can't even begin to make me not do something about it and not have it last." However, one of my many character flaws is procrastination, quickly followed by laziness. Of course I will do something, but it hardly lasts. Even if it does last, I drag my feet and lose enthusiasm.

Do Hard Things has challenged me on many levels, including my spiritual life, my personal goals and aspirations, and my habits. It wasn't extremely profound, it really wasn't. In fact, a lot of it seemed like common sense to me. But the more I read, and the more I thought, the more I realized that it was on paper. Sure, lots of people realize the thoughts presented here. Sure, lots of people want to do something about it. But it wasn't on paper. Once an idea is on paper and is staring me in the face, I feel suddenly like it must be done. There's something about the challenge of a to-do list. True, this book is not meant to be read as a to-do list but it has some of the same qualities for me.

"Well, are you going to do it and scratch it off?"

Makes me want to grab a Sharpie and scribble out things I've done already.

By putting this on paper (yes, I will be printing this), I hope my resolutions will stay strong. I want to be the one that people aren't really noticing but is making a difference anyway. I need to do hard things. Ironic thing is this: Shyness is what I've always been known for, but deep down inside, I want to reach out to people and care for them. Not casual care, like missions or soup kitchen, but a heartfelt sincere care. The kind of care that reaches out when others are too busy and pulls them into a hug and says encouraging and kind words and actually means it. (Now if only I can beat down the sarcastic, impatient smart alec inside me.) If everyone took the time to do so to one person everyday, I firmly believe the world would be a better place. But I am shy to the point of avoiding eye contact even among close friends.

These are the sorts of ideas that are written about in Do Hard Things. Young people who decide that nothing can stop them from doing what they know is right. The world may ridicule, there will be obstacles to overcome, but doing hard things is not for quitters. It requires faith and determination--and lots of it. I only pray that I can maintain this level of faith and determination required.

This is my resolution to do hard things.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." --Mahatma Gandhi

Good Guys Finish Last

It wasn't until after I watched the movie and began discussing it with my mom that I realized what this character portrayed. The movie was Bedtime Stories. The character in question, a guy I would guess to be in his late twenties/early thirties named “Skeeter”. Played up as a poor, picked-on underdog, I'm sure many people failed to see his true personality. Several times throughout the movie, he displayed rude, selfish behavior as well as a poor work ethic and the opinion that he deserved better just for being a somebody's son. He is basically what I describe as a “loser”, not to mention “jerk”. Yet in this film, he is portrayed as the protagonist, whom everyone admires and likes, despite his shortcomings. Sure, he was “normal” and could be funny. But his crude behavior honestly ruined any desire of any sort to like this man. When a guy shuts the door in a woman's face twice purposely in an attempt to prove a point, I lose most of my respect for him. When he asks the same woman to pretend to be his girlfriend in an attempt to make other women jealous, I lose all respect for him. If he deserved respect, he would get it. Of course, in the end, he does one single thing respectable (at his father's ghost's prompting), becomes the hero, and gets the girl (the same girl whom he treated so disrespectfully).

Unfortunately, this portrayal of a “normal” guy sets low standards for today's young men. Maybe I am just overly aware of standards at this point as I am reading Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris. But the point is, I cringe to think of how many younger guys saw how funny and cool Skeeter was depicted as being, in turn deciding it will be funny and cool to be rude, selfish, and even outright obnoxious at times. Hollywood needs to grow up, take responsibility, and give young men (and women, for that matter) role models worth emulating. Why do we complain about irresponsible, disrespectful “losers” and “jerks” when we depict them as “normal”, “funny”, “cool”, and even “heroes”?

Since starting this essay, I have kept my eyes open for any other examples and I found one in an unexpected movie. Supercross, which I do not recommend watching incidentally, is the story of two brothers. Throughout the movie, I described them as “Jerk” and “Loser”. The oldest brother was an arrogant jerk, the younger a good-for-nothing loser. However, during one scene, the younger (nicknamed “Trip”) displays moral good sense, looking away from a woman undressing, even though he should be “used to it” by now. Right there, during the movie, I exclaimed, “The loser is moral!” The guy not portrayed as cool, but as a loser, had some sense of morality. But, as he became “cooler”, he lost this sense of morality.

This does not even scratch the surface of this issue, nor does it address what Hollywood portrays as cool for girls. I do not expect this to be a profound revelation to anybody; therefore, you may take this as a rant and complaint. That is, most likely, what it is.

New Beginnings

Everyone must start somewhere. Our first beginning is conception. From there, our lives are full of new beginnings. We begin our lives as we know them at birth. We begin to walk and talk, love and learn. Without beginnings, our lives would be worthless. None of us can stay at the stage of conception, infantry, toddler, child, teenager, or adult. Even then, after death, we begin our afterlives.

I started thinking about beginnings, first of all because of the new year and secondly because I read Genesis 1-4. As I contemplated all this, I thought of another connection that is very apparent and I'm sure you all have heard, yet it can never be said too many times.

It is never too late to become a “new man” *, make a new beginning. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (II Corinthians 5:17). This new beginning signals a new stage in your life, a time for growing and learning, just like every other new beginning and stage in your life. Just like you cannot always remain an infant, you cannot always remain a babe in Christ either. You must grow and learn, if you are to go on to be anything in this world.

Unfortunately, not all Christians have done this. Many are still in habitual sin. Does this mean they are Christians? If they truly believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, that He came to earth to die for their sins, was crucified, buried, and rose again the third day according to Scripture, then yes, they are Christians. Their standing is sealed. It is their state that is carnal, reflecting their position as babes in Christ who have not grown and learned.

This misunderstanding of “standing and state” has caused much confusion in many a Christian life. In fact, I never understood it until recently, nor did I understand the importance to know the difference. The author of the tract “Standing and State” explains it this way: “Briefly stated, the believer's standing is the way God sees him in Christ, as perfect in Him. But his state is the way God sees him in his daily walk, which is sinful and erring, and needs to be improved and corrected.” Some Scriptures used to back this statement up are Romans 5:1-2, I Corinthians 15:1, I Peter 5:12, Philippians 2:19-20, Philippians 4:11, and Colossians 4:7.

Another good point addressed in this tract is the fact that Ephesians is broken into two parts. The first part (the first three chapters) deal with the believer's standing in Christ. At the end of the third chapter, Paul writes, “Amen”, marking the conclusion of this topic. Chapter four begins thus: “I therefore...beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called”. Notice the word “walk”. This second half on Ephesians dwells mostly on the believer's walk, his state.

With New Year's and resolutions upon us, I would like to encourage you to consider your new beginning. Maybe you have been a Christian for many years. Maybe you are a brand-new Christian. In any case, are you growing and learning? Your standing is in Christ, where is your state?


* To become a “new man”, a Christian, you must simply believe that Christ came to earth to die for your sins, was crucified, buried, and rose again the third day according to Scripture. “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” (Romans 10:9), “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13).