My Dream Man

If you’re a girl, most likely you have “The List” or have been told you need to have “The List”. (At least for most of my readership. :) ) If you’re a guy, you most likely know about or have “The List”. If you haven’t heard of it, “The List” is a list that some people encourage girls and guys alike to have. It lists all the qualities that you would like your future spouse to have. However, I — yes, again — got to thinkin’. ;) “The List” displays a lack of trust in God. True, it’s good to remember that you want to marry a Christian, virgin, etc. but to list that you want “a strong leader”, “a guy who likes kids”, “a girl who’s willing to hunt”, “someone who likes punk pop”, etc. is almost pointless, and not to mention self-reliant. The way it’s pointless is that you most likely won’t be interested in someone who doesn’t share the same interests. Obviously, a hunter is not going to hang out with/be interested in a girl who’s huge into PETA. And similarly, a girl who adores kids won’t be interested in/hang out with a guy who couldn’t stand them. It displays self-reliance in the way that we believe we know ourselves and needs and wants better than God Himself does. Does He not number the hairs on our heads? Does He not care for us, sometimes giving us situations we did not wish for, knowing that it will be advantageous to us in the end? So why would we try to override His omniscient knowledge with our trivial lists? Also, as a sidenote, this is all trivial. Does it really matter in the end whether or not someone listens to a certain style of music or watches a certain genre of movies? (Considering the choice of music/movies isn’t evil, of course. :P )

One last thought: A good friend of mine once saw one girl’s “The List” and said that lists like that intimidate him, since he knows he cannot be that man all the time. His attitude was one of “Why bother? I know I’ll never be able to achieve that anyway, so pursuing her would be purposeless.” Even though the girl who wrote the list probably understood that the man she marries will never be that way all the time, she didn’t realize that her standards might scare away some completely potential and worthy young men.

Maybe it’s just a good idea to get rid of lists altogether. Hold certain standards but remain open. Only God knows what is best for you. Why try to plan what only God knows?

Nothing More Than Apathy

“It’s coming down to nothing more than apathy
I’d rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who’s still standing when it clears”

Over My Head–The Fray

Rather than hook with you an exciting introduction, allow me to start this post with a question: How many times have you seen Christians with this attitude? This attitude of total apathy, that someone else will take care of it, because I, I of course, am too busy and have already made my weekly offering to “the church” (which is, in fact, only a building, but that is a different topic, for a different day). The attitude of sadness and irritation over our moral decline, but hey, what can you do about it? All nations fall, right? They hear “Be the change you wish to see in this world”, say “Hey, great concept, really amazing thought”, and do what the next day? Go to work, keep your mouth shut about anything that goes against God, because “I’m not pushy”.

American Christians are in a total state of apathy. The ones that aren’t are called radicals. “Hurrah!” we say, “Good for them! But that life is not for me, oh no, I can’t do that.” What would you say if I said this life was not about you? What really matters at the end of your life? For God to say to you, “Well, congratulation, I’m so proud of you, you never stepped outside your comfort zone”? Or for Him to say to you, “You fell crazily in love with Me and did all you could. You lived for Me, you died for Me. Everything you did was for Me. Well done, My good and faithful servant.”

As a Christian, Christ is within you. Anything you say about yourself, you are saying about Christ. Replace “I” with “Christ” every time you make an excuse. “Christ can’t afford to make that sort of donation to World Vision. Christ doesn’t have the time to go on a missions trip. Christ doesn’t have the interest in traveling to that conference, He’d much rather focus on buying a house.” Would you ever say that about Christ? Would you ever say that Christ didn’t have the patience to work with misbehaving inner-city kids? Would you ever say that Christ didn’t have the optimistic spirit of others and couldn’t help but spread doom-and-gloom everywhere He went?

Perhaps I am a little zealous at this point because of the past few chapters I’ve read in Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Perhaps it is only a stage. But I pray, I pray with my whole heart that it’s not a stage. My life was made by God, for God. If I can’t live for Him, what is the sense in wearing Christ’s name? One cannot call themselves an engineer, then commit 30 minutes a day to being an engineer and spend the rest of the day being a zookeeper. One cannot call themselves a Christian, then commit only 30 minutes a day to being one. In a way, this is a bad example, because being an engineer would not be your identity; however, being a Christian is. Christian is what you are. You are not who you want to be, because in the end, you don’t matter. To borrow a comparison from Crazy Love, you are only an extra. People don’t watch the movie to see you, they watch it to see God, the main character. There are several other characters in the movie, but in the end, what do we really care about? That we were happy? Or that others saw that we loved God with all and every fiber of our being?

I understand that much of this is probably gibberish. They’re only thoughts flowing from my brain to my fingers in an unorganized and quite confusing fashion. It’s likely I’ll sit down soon and convert it into something more structured. But until then, I want you to think about it. Are you apathetic? Or are you in love — and showing it.

A Peek Into My Thought Process

I wrote this just a few moments ago, since I felt the need to write but didn't want to come up with anything particularly philosophical or deep. So I free wrote, beginning with the word "love".

love, joy, hope, purity, charity, shining eyes, beautiful smiles, running feet, laughing voices, little children, long uncombed hair, deep tan, strawberries, sundresses, barefeet, painted toenails, dirty feet, gardening, fresh peas, sweetness, ice cream, summer day, bright sun, sunglasses, chic, shabby chic, shag carpet, sixties, tie-dye, peace, war, guns, death, sorrow, crying, despair, seeking God, finding rest, healing heart, recovering, bliss, chocolate, dark chocolate, chills, rain, dancing, tired feet, sore muscles, Capture the Flag, grass stains, stain stick, laundry, fresh laundry, detergent smell, folding clothes, rough hands, working man, loyal wife, marriage, rings, Lord of the Rings, fireworks, Fourth of July, picnic, hot dogs, mustard, faith, God, Jesus Christ, sacrifice, relationships, friends, secrets, inside jokes, practical jokes, humor, laughing, happiness, happy sighs, tickling, annoyance, glares, ornery, lack of sleep, up late, talking, discussing, opinions, measuring stick, Bible, books, reading, writing, love, joy, hope, purity, charity, shining eyes

And that, my friends, is a glimpse into my thought process. :)

Modern Modesty

Did you know that 96.2% of the participants of The Rebelution's Modesty Surveyⁱ feel that modesty is important for all girls, regardless of height, weight, build, etc.? Did you know that most girls (at least, the ones worth having and listening to) do not appreciate most popular clothing styles for men? Read the Survey, type “modesty for guys” into a search engine, talk to a trusted friend or parent of the opposite sex; you may be surprised. Even having been raised conservatively, many of the answers I have read and received surprised me. The purpose of this paper is not to explore what is modest, rather what is modesty – in clothing choices and behavior.

i http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/

Read on here!

Update

Yes, I realize I am behind. Pretty soon, I'll be a graduate, and hopefully have more time to devote to writing. I'm working on a summary of our trip to Alabama still. But I had to take time off to write a research paper on modesty, which will appear here in a few minutes. :) And I have a few topics I'd like to write about once I have the time. I've also been pretty busy socializing. :P Next Thursday, my uncle and aunt and cousins are coming to stay with us. Next Friday is my other cousin's wedding. Graduation is next Saturday, followed by a dance. Hopefully, I can take June and use it for lots of stuff, including purging my music, writing a bunch, and cutting sugar out of my diet. We also might go to New Hampshire to visit other cousins. July will likely be busy again. Lots of birthdays and stuff. I'm planning a dance for the month of July.

I'm eager to find what this coming year will bring me. I'm also lost. But I can keep myself busy enough. ;)

I Shall Fear No Evil

Quietly she slipped through the trees, unnoticed. She left the dark hood over her head, concealing her face, and protecting herself from the harsh wind. Her long skirts dragged in the mud, making it harder than usual to move with speed. Suddenly lightning lit the sky, reflecting in her fearful eyes, and thunder cracked, causing her ears to ring. She covered her mouth as she gasped, trying to keep from screaming. Involuntarily, she started to shiver. Already active butterflies multiplied and added to their antics. She must stay hidden, she must remain undetected, she must not be found. The secrets she carried were too great to be discovered by enemy forces.

Her name was Sarah Nelson. The year, 1776. At 17, she was already doing what she could to support the American side in the Revolutionary War. Despite the risks, this often meant she had to make dangerous treks across enemy territory to deliver notes to the American captains. These notes must never fall into the hands of British captains, nor must she ever be caught traveling across their terrain.

The storm that night made it slightly easier as she did not expect any soldiers or patrolmen to be out in such rain or lightning and thunder. Horses often shied, and men hardly could be expected to stand watch at the risk of being struck and killed. As if confirming her thoughts, the rainfall increased and it began to soak through her normally waterproof cloak. The cold began to seep into her body. Her teeth chattered and she could barely move her fingers. The fear came back in full force as a tree fell just in front of her, victim to the blustering and angry wind.

“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” The words from the familiar psalm ran through her mind. “I shall fear no evil,” she finished aloud. Surprised to hear her own voice above the sounds of rain, blowing leaves, and wind, she felt heartened. The Lord would protect her in this time of peril. Even when injury — or death — seemed imminent, she would trust on Him to guard her from the dangers.


Little did Sarah know, a watchman was out on duty. He sat with his back against a tree, just praying the lightning would not choose this one for its next casualty. He had glimpsed what he thought was a figure moving from tree to tree. When the lightning flashed, the brightness of it had inhibited him from seeing clearly whether or not it was a human form. After his eyes adjusted to the dark again, he could not find the figure again. Telling himself it was just his imagination, he resumed his anxious prayer.

There! There it was again! It was too tall and slender to be a deer. It had to be human.

“Animals aren’t dumb enough to be out in this weather anyway,” he muttered to himself. He watched closely, careful not to lose the shadow. It didn’t move like a man, nor did it seem to be wearing britches. But a woman? Out tonight in this rain? It was beyond his wildest imaginings, so he crept closer. After watching a few more minutes in which the woman seemed to move only a few yards, he decided to stop her. That was his duty, after all. So he positioned himself behind a tree in her path. When she was near him, he stepped from behind it and ordered her to halt.


Startled, Sarah gasped loudly. Her heart pounded nervously in her throat and ears. Eyes searching the soldier's face wildly, she discovered he looked no older than 20, the age of her brother. But she obeyed his voice and halted.

“What is your business here?”

Frantically, Sarah searched for an answer. “I am—” she squeaked. She started over. “I am making my way through to visit my mother. She is giving birth tonight.”

“Where are you coming from?”

“My uncle’s home. I visited this morning to see how my aunt was doing with her new baby. When the rain came, I decided to stay the night. Then word reached me of the arrival of Mother’s baby.”

“Why do you have no chaperone?”

“None could be spared.”

He eyed her suspiciously. The story seemed likely, but he was taught never to trust. But she looked so young and fearful! She could never be trusted as a spy. Trusting in his own judgment, he decided to allow her to pass through.

“All right. May God grant you safety through these woods!” He stepped aside.

Sarah scurried past him, curtsying and thanking him profusely. “My mother will be eternally grateful for your understanding!”

Once she could no longer see him, she fingered the note tucked in the bodice of her dress, not believing she had escaped undetected. The psalm ran through her mind again. Tears ran down her face. She could not even pray, her relief was so great.

The Lord was truly good to her. He truly kept His promises.

"Taking My Sin, My Cross, My Shame"

Last Thursday, a friend on Facebook posted a video featuring the song "You Are My All In All" sung by Nichole Nordeman and Point of Grace. I watched the video, being slightly familiar with the song, and it brought me to tears. Unlike many other contemporary Christian songs, the lyrics are meaningful, humble, and reverent. My mom's favorite passage is "Taking my sin, my cross, my shame/Rising up again, I bless Your name". Friday morning at breakfast, she told me it meant a lot to her because she could never imagine doing that herself. It takes such an awesome Individual to do that. She also made mention that He was a gentleman. This made me think of something I had read at one point. (If you know where it could have been that I read it, please tell me!) God is the only god of all men to sacrifice His Son for an undeserving people. This alone sets Him far apart from other gods. The fact that He would send His only Son to bear our sins, our crosses, our shames when we have done nothing -- absolutely nothing -- to deserve it is way beyond just interesting, touching, or cool. It is awe-inspiring, humbling, worth crying over.

Perhaps brought on by these reflective thoughts, I have finally heeded God's call. For months now, He has been calling me away from my dependency on the internet. Being stubborn, lazy, and habitual, I have each time told myself and God that I didn't need to cut back, I'd get things done, and it'd all be okay. But it's not. I do need to cut back, I wasn't getting anything done, and it wasn't all okay. Why on earth have I been struggling so much with whether or not I can guard my heart? Because my heart was being called away from God, and it was becoming very vulnerable. It's no one's fault but my own that I did not have the self-control to set limits for myself. But I no longer need be slave to my dependency. "The truth will set you free" indeed. I have finally realized the truth about my addiction and the experience will hopefully be freeing. At the time, it hurts. I am still proud and want to toss my resolve out the window; I want to go back to my old ways. But the only way things will change is if I change. And I believe cutting out much of my internet time will change quite a bit for me. Thanks for putting up with my rant; it's still pretty fresh in my mind and heart and I'm feeling the need to talk it out several times.

Ever growing, ever changing, ever seeking, ever hoping. May we all be drawn closer to Him during this week following the celebration of His resurrection.

Trip to the Creation Museum

Note: Click on the pictures to open them to their normal size.

Our trip started at 7:30 AM, Thursday, April 2nd, 2009. We drove through Ohio -- very, very boring. :P I don't care much for the flatness and blah-ness. But anyway, we finally got to Kentucky.


Then we arrived at the Creation Museum. The man standing there told us to go follow the line and the next available ticket agent. Dad walked into the Museum, then turned around. He couldn't find the line! So we went back and saw this sign.

Duh! But of course, we had to miss it. *rolls eyes* Good thing we didn't wear our homeschooler t-shirts. :P

First thing we did was look at the little exhibits in the main hall there. They had cute little birdies.


And they had a model habitat with fake animals.

They also had poison dart frogs and a chameleon.

Then we walked through the rest of the Museum. I enjoyed it the first time we went two years ago, and I enjoyed it again this year. Very well put-together, and effective. This time we were also able to go to the petting zoo. Being the animal-lover, I delighted in seeing all the animals. They had donkeys, sheep, goats, a camel, birds, rabbits, a zonkey, a zorse... Many fascinating animals, I did see. But it was so hot there. :P Then we had to leave. We were going to get as far as we could before stopping for the night. We made it to Renfro Valley, KY, where we slept in very hard beds with the rain waking us up.

Of Friends, Dancing, Sledding, and Skating: Part 4

Monday & Tuesday, February 23-23, 2009
I woke up dreading saying good-byes. Now that I had finally met “my people”, I didn't want them to leave. We took many pictures together before Jason and Klaus had to head out. Just before they left, we were able to rope Jason into playing “Blest Be the Tie that Binds” while we sang. After they left, some of the people played the piano and guitar and some went out and shot guns. Michael, Bekah, Anna, and Charlyn were the next group to leave. And so our numbers dwindled. We ate a lunch, then went outside to watch Matt and Jake make The Works bombs. It pretty much bombed. :P They had two and, after several false alarms, neither blew. After this, the Orths had to leave. At the same time, Mark and Susan also left. Immediately, I went in and began uploading photos. We were very tired and everything was funny. :P Just ask Kim and Mike about our hysterical laughter over nothing. :D That night, we stayed up and chatted in the chat room. But we got to bed considerably early, I think. :)

I woke up Tuesday, also dreading saying good-bye. Out of all the people staying with us, Kim and Mike stayed the longest, and they became like family to us. Luckily, they had to leave in the evening, giving us quite a few hours together. We played Dutch Blitz, which was extremely fun. Then after the guys left for work, we went outside and built miniature snowmen. (The snow wasn't sticking and we didn't have a whole lot by then.) Then Poppy took us to the airport. And they left. I could've cried right then and there, watching my “siblings” leave me. But they left me with the promise of seeing each other again in April.

I miss you all very, very much. Thank you for coming. It wouldn't have been a snow party without each one of you.

Of Friends, Dancing, Sledding, and Skating: Part 3

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sunday morning we were slower to get up than Saturday morning. We were supposed to leave for the archery club again at 9:30 for church. Klaus got up at 9:20, just as we sent the other guys in to get him up as he was to be one of our drivers. So we raced out of here, only to discover that everyone else was late. :P Nevertheless, we had a wonderful time singing and reading and discussing. I'd do it all again the very same way. In fact, I might even leave more time to do it all more.

After church was done, we managed to dance Mairi's Wedding, just one more time. :D I have to admit though: my calves were sore before but afterward I could barely walk. I didn't know that I was that out of shape just from the wintertime. But anyway, our next destination was the ice arena. Mark got stuck in Florida rental car. :P And Carrie spun some but other than that, we got everyone out and on the road. Then Carrie needed to buy gas so we stopped at the gas station, and Mark kept going but he circled back and that was fine. Then some of our caravan got stuck in traffic lights so we pulled into a parking lot and we timed it well enough so that our caravan was back together again.

When we got to the ice arena, Hannah and Gordie were waiting for us. They thought we had decided not to go and we had abandoned them there with no car or phone. :D Boy, does she know me well. :D :P Anyway, while everyone skated, I decided to take a bit of a break, since I was beginning to run low on social graces. Gotta love being an introvert. So I hung back and took pictures, not only with my camera but with Jason's and Charlyn's as well. I had fun even doing that. After we did that, we had to say good-bye to our Ohioan friends. :( And the rest of us came home and I almost crashed right then, but I didn't. I hung on. Played Rummy, and Dutch Blitz. Stayed up late. :D

Of Friends, Dancing, Sledding, and Skating: Part 2

Saturday, February 21, 2009
Slowly but surely, we woke up. Some of us used our laptops while we ate breakfast, because we are perfect geeks. :P :D Mark and Susan got here. Our kitchen ceiling began leaking because water was running out of the upstairs shower and seeping through. Quite the adventure it was. Then the Ohioans began arriving. Within no time at all, our house was jam-packed with people. Pretty soon, we needed to head out for the archery range so we could start sled-riding. We had decided on the archery range because our first choice – well, let's just say the hill was way too steep to have a patch of gravel at the bottom. So we shipped 'em out! Charlyn needed to print her dance instructions so some of us (Charlyn, Bekah, Michael, Melissa, Katie, Mom, Dad, and I) stayed behind. While Mom and Dad got the food around and packed up, we got it printed. There's a story in and of itself here sort of. Charlyn has a Macbook. It didn't like our printer, so she emailed it to Michael. Of course, the word processors weren't compatible so the page count and margins were messed up. So it ended up a little different than intended, but all is well that ends well. :) So after we fed the pets, we took off.

Katie and I immediately tramped our way to the top of the hill they were using and took pictures and went down a few times. The hill was considerably wicked. :P At one point, Carrie, Jake, and Anna B. went down in our big black sled and went straight into the creek. Many people tumbled and it turned out rather hilarious at times. After Klaus was wrestled a few times, we decided to go in because everyone was beginning to freeze. So we went in and thawed out and ate. I think some changed into their dancing clothes. Some played games. Then we practiced one or two ECD dances before taking group photos because some had to leave. :( After the photos Michael and Bekah taught us swing. Having been thoroughly exhausted, we ate dinner. Then we danced Mairi's Wedding. Twice. :D Then we danced and danced and danced and danced. We were taught rumba, waltz, and polka. We danced the Virginia Reel, and the Duke of Kent's Waltz. I, for one, enjoyed myself thoroughly. If you didn't, your loss. :P Then we had to leave. :( And I cried. :P Just kidding.

When we got home, I had to feed the indoor pets and Matt, Jake, and Brian went to Wal-Mart. When everyone got back, we all rehashed and looked at photos and crashed. We didn't stay up very long, needless to say. :P And I slept hard. I don't think I ever moved that night. :)

Of Friends, Dancing, Sledding, and Skating: Part 1

Friday, February 20, 2009

Butterflies fluttered about my stomach as I woke. It was actually going to happen. All these people I had never met before were coming to my house to spend the weekend here, doing the activities I had planned, and eating the food my mom and I had prepared. Especially nervous about meeting Kim and Mike as they were arriving first, I scurried about my chores, obsessively checking HSA and my IMs. Then came 11 AM. We had to leave to pick them up from the airport. I don't remember much of the drive there. I do remember stopping at Radio Shack to pick up a cable so the microphone would work Saturday evening. The guy at the counter annoyed me, if I recall correctly. He watched Katie and I and he had face piercings. The worst part of picking them (Kim and Mike) up was sitting outside the doors and watching and waiting. I thought I had spotted them and I started shaking. Finally, by the time they came through the doors, I had settled down some. We greeted each other then we went outside. Kim is so cool. I love her accent and she tells interesting stories. Mike is quiet, but fun. Kim wanted to go around the revolving door again, so we let her. :) Then we started toward home, interrupted by a quick visit to Wal-Mart.

When we arrived home, our guests had a house tour, then we ate tacos. After that, we sat around and played Apples to Apples some. Junior Monopoly came next, at which Mike beat us all and Katie lost. :P Before we could actually finish Klaus and Jason pulled in. My first impression was rather the same as Kim's: Klaus is very giant, especially compared to me. Deep voiced, but good hugger. Just a great guy all around. :) Jason is so fun. I love this guy. :) Great dancer. Then came Michael, Bekah, Anna, and Charlyn. Michael straightaway appeared to be very cheerful all the time, which turns out, he was. :) Bekah – ah, Bekah. She's a darling. I love her. She's beautiful, elegant, calming. I could just sit with her for ages and listen to her voice and be in her glow. Anna is fun. Very peppy and happy. Just watching her makes me grin. And Charlyn is a love. The second she stepped in the door, she hugged me and I could tell it had been worth the wait to see her.

Mark and Susan came next. When they pulled up outside the house, I think it was Mike who said, “Mark's here” and someone added, “I can see the beard”, to which my mom replied, “Who? Emilie?” Much laughter ensued. Thus, Mark was greeted with being called a “bearded lady”. After he greeted me, he said, “You look just like you do in your webcam.” I'm so glad to have been properly represented by my lovely webcam. :D Mark seemed to me to be a thinker, and although I didn't think of it until after everyone left, looking rather like how I imagined a dwarf from The Hobbit. :) Susan is lovely and feminine in every sense of the word. Yet she manages to play and have fun and keep up with all the guys. I guess well-rounded is the word I'm looking for. She has an awesome balance of femininity and tomboy-ish-ness. Patriot absolutely loved Mark. Why, I don't know, but he did. :) Then my dear “IRL” friend, Emilie, got here. (She did not have a beard, thank goodness.) Things stayed pretty quiet as we played Apples to Apples. We ate pizza. We used our laptops and some even webcammed with each other. :P Some of the people played Dutch Blitz.

Eventually the Orths arrived. Love, love, love these people. Carrie is so lovely and sunshiny. Jake is hilarious, but knows how to be serious, and pretty much “awesome”. :P Emily is great. Such a sweetheart. As soon as they got here, the noise level shot straight up. :) Then we played Uno, at which Katie had a tendency of winning. And we played Apples to Apples again. Then Mark, Michael, and Jason played instruments and we congregated in the kitchen and dining room to listen and snack. Some of the girls sang. :) 'Twas lovely. I can honestly say I had live music at my party. :P Dutch Blitz ensued, and some of the guys had an interesting discussion about the necessity of college. I sat in on it, and enjoyed listening to the many points each person had to add, as well as the different viewpoints. (It also was a wonderful opportunity for me to practice eye contact. :P) Then after I chatted a little in the chat room, I hit the hay at about 2 AM. Even though I was tired, I was still a little wound-up, so I had a hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep.

Much Ado About Muffins

Okay... obviously there's no serious 500-word post this week. I have 12 people staying with me and we're having a blast. =D So, maybe I'll be able to make up for it next week with a conclusion of all our Roundtable discussions. =P

If At First You Don't Succeed...

I've been thinking a lot about persistence lately. I seem to have a pretty good dose of it, despite my lazy and procrastinating nature. But I have been thinking about it very much lately because of a few happenings in my life.

First, I put together a get-together of homeschool alumni through HomeschoolAlumni.org. "Dreamer" describes me well, but I've hardly ever had to actually go through with my dreams yet. So it has taken a lot of persistence on my behalf to help my parents organize it, as well as communicate with my guests. Some days, I'd really like to quit. "False alarm, y'all, I've decided not to have a get-together." Yet, I keep going. Day after day, level after level of excitement and nervousness. It will all come together, we will pull it off.

Secondly, and what feels like most importantly, is my novel. I usually do get mid-novel blues, which is when one feels very disappointed in themselves and the novel as well as discouraged enough to think about quitting. Basically, it's a period in which the author drags his or her feet in finishing it. So, I've got mid-novel blues. On top of that, the trial run for the word processor I was using to write it ran out. I started to switch the document over to OpenOffice, and discovered the page margins and sizes and whatnot are all different. That gives me a totally different page count. I know, I know, I should be going by word count, not page count, but I do things the hard way the first time around. Let me tell you, it's not paying off. But I finally got it close enough to make me happy, and started writing, after I had writer's block. I was feeling good about it and was eager to finish the chapter. However -- dumb me -- I forgot to save the document. While I was reading English Literature (and feeling good about getting caught up there), my laptop restarted because of updates. When it came back to life, I went through the recovery steps to get all my work back and it didn't give it to me. Read that? The recovery system recovered nothing. So I researched the problem to see what I could do to get all my beautiful writing back. Absolutely nothing. OpenOffice had a bug, and I needed to update if I wanted the recovery to work properly. Of course, that doesn't help the stuff I lost, so I updated and restarted today. I haven't had nearly half the success I had yesterday, but all my material will come back and maybe it'll be even better this time around. Unfortunately, I've been having my doubts.

Needless to say, I've perfected my sigh lately. All this keeps me looking to Him, ever constant, always recovering lost material. It's comforting to know that even if I quit, He never will. It also strengthens my resolve to keep going. Might take a little longer than I expected, but I will reach the finish line.

[Insert Title Here]

On January 21, 2009, our rabbit Elizabeth gave birth to six beautiful kits (baby bunnies). I was able to witness the birth of three of them, reminding me yet again how miraculous babies and birth are. Four of them were brown, and two were black. This was the first time we had ever had that ratio of colors.

January 29, 2009: One of the kits found dead underneath the water bottle.

January 31, 2009: One kit found dead under the basement sink, because someone had left the cage door unlatched and the kit crawled out. Another kit found dead between the nesting box and litter box.

February 5, 2009: One kit found dead in the cage. Another kit found dead in the nesting box.

As of 3 PM EST on February 5, 2009, that leaves us with only one surviving kit left. Being a rabbit owner and breeder, I am exasperated. What on earth could be wrong with the kits? Was it something I did? Elizabeth did? Was it just the way the kits were born? Whose fault is it? At this point, there is no clear answer. Chances are, it's a combination of incidents and situations and whatever else.

In other news, I have been extremely lazy, as well as productive. I have been seriously slacking in school. I am currently reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis which could take me about a day to read, but instead it's been almost two weeks and I'm not even halfway through. I haven't even begun to read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and I haven't touched Emma in weeks. I need to finish Consumer Mathematics and Science before May. I have about 15-20 books to read by then as well. Hand, meet Forehead. *whack*

But! I did say I was productive. At least that's what I call baking 156 gingersnaps, 197 chocolate chip cookies, 50-something brownies, and making 60 Oreo truffles.

My entire family has had the flu. I have escaped it so far. Chances are, I'll get sick tonight or tomorrow, but at this point I could care less. I've finally come off the sugar-high from last night and I'm feeling slightly irritable, at the moment, although very composed and apathetic. The oddest things are annoying me right now is all.

I got contacts on Friday and have been wearing them every day since. They're pretty spiffy. I like being able to see without glasses. My eyelashes are long and a pain, since if I don't hold them out of the way, they poke my contacts when I'm trying to put them in and flip the contacts or knock them off my finger. Yesterday, this happened and the contact landed on the toilet brush. I cleaned it very thoroughly, needless to say. And yes, I can feel them. Yes, I have put them in inside out and attempted to drive myself to insanity -- more than I already am, that is.

Life is good. The sun rises, the sun sets. I'm not sick with the flu yet. My parents love me, I love my family. And God still reigns. Tomorrow is another day, a day in which I will actually accomplish something. The time for lists is now.

A Feminine Influence

Although I have always been told about the influence women have on men, watching Walk the Line has truly given me a visual and cemented the idea in my mind. The influence the two female main characters (Vivian, his wife, and June, his “co-worker”) had on Johnny Cash is plain to see. Many of Vivian's personality traits were not compatible with Johnny's, therefore causing many problems. June's personality traits however meshed well with his. Despite this, I feel Vivian could have made her marriage more tolerable by simply following her man. Not that she was actively trying to lead him, but she was not willing to follow either. While I watched Walk the Line the second time, I took notes and these were some of the things I noticed.

Vivian displayed a distinct lack of trust in Johnny's abilities. Part of this may have stemmed from her gut instinct to listen to her father who disapproved of the marriage. Not marrying him would probably have been wise anyway as they had dated for only one month, two years before he contacted her again. She also appears to have been a “daddy's girl”, and desired to marry a man like her father. However, Johnny was not her father. While she preferred a financially stable situation, Johnny's dream job did not provide financial stability. When it came to his musical career, Vivian had little appreciation for his talents and abilities. She was not willing to travel with him on tours, therefore causing jealousy when he made friends that were not her friends as well. Her low tolerance for his enthusiasm about a great show sent him seeking someone who could share in his celebration. She disapproved of his fan base. His being away made her bitter toward him. Basically, everyone appreciated him except his wife – whom he sought approval from the most. (She did show appreciation once, after he proved himself to be working hard. Also, her personality was most likely more suited for a man with a consistent job and income.)

On the other hand, June took mishaps in stride, making the best of them. She openly admired his talents and abilities. She took interest in his career, life, and family. She showed concern for him, as well as kindness in giving her book to him. Since she too was in the musical career, she understood the need for tours and how important his band was to him. She was down-to-earth, fun, and adventurous, always willing to try something new. She had the support of her family, giving her a sense of security which allowed her to then support Johnny's endeavors. “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31:26) seems to have been June's motto. She spoke kindly to all, in a manner of meekness.

Although Vivian seems to have been a “bad wife”, I have had a very hard time writing about her in a negative way. I am convinced she could have been a “good wife”, if only she had listened to her father and married someone more suited for her personality, or even just followed Johnny in all he did, showed her appreciation, and simply been his companion. However, these are excellent examples of how a woman can make or break her man.

Since so much emphasis is put on the submission of the wife in Christian circles, often we forget to teach women about their influence. It could be argued that as long as the wife submitted herself to her husband, she won't have to be so careful with her power and part of that may be true. But a woman must also realize her power is also found in approval, appreciation, and sincerity, not just following. A lot of this can be solved by merely being a best friend, the one who does not cover their eyes when wrong is being done, yet always encourages and is 100% behind their best friend¹.

So, forget the dog; be your man's best friend.

Verses to Ponder: Proverbs 17:22, Isaiah 51:3, Proverbs 11:22, Proverbs 11:16, Proverbs 14:1, Ephesians 5:33

(Disclaimer: I feel Walk the Line is best viewed as an awareness movie, for several reasons.)

1Note: I thought a little more about this and thought it best to add that being 100% behind someone, even a spouse, does not mean following them in evildoing. If the husband is participating in wrongful activities, he is clearly stepping outside his role as a Christian husband. Usually during this time, it would be wise to step away from him (different levels for different situations) with the children (if there are any involved).

Questions of the Heart

Who would've guessed that one could give a piece of her heart away to some man she had never met and merely thought was “hot”, implying she had little respect for him. Yet apparently it can happen. I did it.

One day, I mentioned to my friend how good-looking I thought some actors were. She believed I had seriously fallen for them, and hinted that I shouldn't say such things. I replied that I couldn't help it if they were hot. “Hot” is a term I reserve for those I have never met, have little respect for as people, and are extremely good-looking, yet she mentioned that by saying things like that my future husband would only have a tiny, gnawed-on piece of my heart left. Needless to say, this not only seemed illogical to me as I could never give a piece of my heart to someone I've never met, but also peaked my curiosity. Where did this idea of “pieces of the heart” come from?

Through the next year or so, I kept hearing about “pieces of the heart”, usually in direct correlation with “emotional purity”. At first, I found the idea rational, as most ideas are. But the more I read, the more it didn't make sense. Of course it had its valid points, but the logic just wasn't matching up.

Deciding to sort out my thoughts on paper, the idea for this research paper was born. My goal is not to change minds, nor to attack those who follow the emotional purity movement, rather to share what I have found and to inspire others to think for themselves on this subject. It is with much prayer, thought, and discussion with others that I have written this. Unfortunately, not all points may be covered as thoroughly as I would like, but it should suffice for now. I may recant my position on some of this eventually. However, this is my current decision on emotional purity.

Click here to read the full paper.

Thoughts on Do Hard Things

"Most people don't expect you to understand what we're going to tell you in this book. And even if you understand, they don't expect you to care. And even if you care, they don't expect you to do anything about it. And even if you do something about it, they don't expect it to last. We do."

--Back cover of Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris

This is the type of dynamic writing I aspire to. It jumps right out and grabs you by the head and says, "Listen up. Are you going to excel or are you going to meet the world's expectations?" My personality is one to reply, "You can't even begin to make me not do something about it and not have it last." However, one of my many character flaws is procrastination, quickly followed by laziness. Of course I will do something, but it hardly lasts. Even if it does last, I drag my feet and lose enthusiasm.

Do Hard Things has challenged me on many levels, including my spiritual life, my personal goals and aspirations, and my habits. It wasn't extremely profound, it really wasn't. In fact, a lot of it seemed like common sense to me. But the more I read, and the more I thought, the more I realized that it was on paper. Sure, lots of people realize the thoughts presented here. Sure, lots of people want to do something about it. But it wasn't on paper. Once an idea is on paper and is staring me in the face, I feel suddenly like it must be done. There's something about the challenge of a to-do list. True, this book is not meant to be read as a to-do list but it has some of the same qualities for me.

"Well, are you going to do it and scratch it off?"

Makes me want to grab a Sharpie and scribble out things I've done already.

By putting this on paper (yes, I will be printing this), I hope my resolutions will stay strong. I want to be the one that people aren't really noticing but is making a difference anyway. I need to do hard things. Ironic thing is this: Shyness is what I've always been known for, but deep down inside, I want to reach out to people and care for them. Not casual care, like missions or soup kitchen, but a heartfelt sincere care. The kind of care that reaches out when others are too busy and pulls them into a hug and says encouraging and kind words and actually means it. (Now if only I can beat down the sarcastic, impatient smart alec inside me.) If everyone took the time to do so to one person everyday, I firmly believe the world would be a better place. But I am shy to the point of avoiding eye contact even among close friends.

These are the sorts of ideas that are written about in Do Hard Things. Young people who decide that nothing can stop them from doing what they know is right. The world may ridicule, there will be obstacles to overcome, but doing hard things is not for quitters. It requires faith and determination--and lots of it. I only pray that I can maintain this level of faith and determination required.

This is my resolution to do hard things.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." --Mahatma Gandhi

Good Guys Finish Last

It wasn't until after I watched the movie and began discussing it with my mom that I realized what this character portrayed. The movie was Bedtime Stories. The character in question, a guy I would guess to be in his late twenties/early thirties named “Skeeter”. Played up as a poor, picked-on underdog, I'm sure many people failed to see his true personality. Several times throughout the movie, he displayed rude, selfish behavior as well as a poor work ethic and the opinion that he deserved better just for being a somebody's son. He is basically what I describe as a “loser”, not to mention “jerk”. Yet in this film, he is portrayed as the protagonist, whom everyone admires and likes, despite his shortcomings. Sure, he was “normal” and could be funny. But his crude behavior honestly ruined any desire of any sort to like this man. When a guy shuts the door in a woman's face twice purposely in an attempt to prove a point, I lose most of my respect for him. When he asks the same woman to pretend to be his girlfriend in an attempt to make other women jealous, I lose all respect for him. If he deserved respect, he would get it. Of course, in the end, he does one single thing respectable (at his father's ghost's prompting), becomes the hero, and gets the girl (the same girl whom he treated so disrespectfully).

Unfortunately, this portrayal of a “normal” guy sets low standards for today's young men. Maybe I am just overly aware of standards at this point as I am reading Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris. But the point is, I cringe to think of how many younger guys saw how funny and cool Skeeter was depicted as being, in turn deciding it will be funny and cool to be rude, selfish, and even outright obnoxious at times. Hollywood needs to grow up, take responsibility, and give young men (and women, for that matter) role models worth emulating. Why do we complain about irresponsible, disrespectful “losers” and “jerks” when we depict them as “normal”, “funny”, “cool”, and even “heroes”?

Since starting this essay, I have kept my eyes open for any other examples and I found one in an unexpected movie. Supercross, which I do not recommend watching incidentally, is the story of two brothers. Throughout the movie, I described them as “Jerk” and “Loser”. The oldest brother was an arrogant jerk, the younger a good-for-nothing loser. However, during one scene, the younger (nicknamed “Trip”) displays moral good sense, looking away from a woman undressing, even though he should be “used to it” by now. Right there, during the movie, I exclaimed, “The loser is moral!” The guy not portrayed as cool, but as a loser, had some sense of morality. But, as he became “cooler”, he lost this sense of morality.

This does not even scratch the surface of this issue, nor does it address what Hollywood portrays as cool for girls. I do not expect this to be a profound revelation to anybody; therefore, you may take this as a rant and complaint. That is, most likely, what it is.

New Beginnings

Everyone must start somewhere. Our first beginning is conception. From there, our lives are full of new beginnings. We begin our lives as we know them at birth. We begin to walk and talk, love and learn. Without beginnings, our lives would be worthless. None of us can stay at the stage of conception, infantry, toddler, child, teenager, or adult. Even then, after death, we begin our afterlives.

I started thinking about beginnings, first of all because of the new year and secondly because I read Genesis 1-4. As I contemplated all this, I thought of another connection that is very apparent and I'm sure you all have heard, yet it can never be said too many times.

It is never too late to become a “new man” *, make a new beginning. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (II Corinthians 5:17). This new beginning signals a new stage in your life, a time for growing and learning, just like every other new beginning and stage in your life. Just like you cannot always remain an infant, you cannot always remain a babe in Christ either. You must grow and learn, if you are to go on to be anything in this world.

Unfortunately, not all Christians have done this. Many are still in habitual sin. Does this mean they are Christians? If they truly believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, that He came to earth to die for their sins, was crucified, buried, and rose again the third day according to Scripture, then yes, they are Christians. Their standing is sealed. It is their state that is carnal, reflecting their position as babes in Christ who have not grown and learned.

This misunderstanding of “standing and state” has caused much confusion in many a Christian life. In fact, I never understood it until recently, nor did I understand the importance to know the difference. The author of the tract “Standing and State” explains it this way: “Briefly stated, the believer's standing is the way God sees him in Christ, as perfect in Him. But his state is the way God sees him in his daily walk, which is sinful and erring, and needs to be improved and corrected.” Some Scriptures used to back this statement up are Romans 5:1-2, I Corinthians 15:1, I Peter 5:12, Philippians 2:19-20, Philippians 4:11, and Colossians 4:7.

Another good point addressed in this tract is the fact that Ephesians is broken into two parts. The first part (the first three chapters) deal with the believer's standing in Christ. At the end of the third chapter, Paul writes, “Amen”, marking the conclusion of this topic. Chapter four begins thus: “I therefore...beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called”. Notice the word “walk”. This second half on Ephesians dwells mostly on the believer's walk, his state.

With New Year's and resolutions upon us, I would like to encourage you to consider your new beginning. Maybe you have been a Christian for many years. Maybe you are a brand-new Christian. In any case, are you growing and learning? Your standing is in Christ, where is your state?


* To become a “new man”, a Christian, you must simply believe that Christ came to earth to die for your sins, was crucified, buried, and rose again the third day according to Scripture. “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” (Romans 10:9), “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13).