"Taking My Sin, My Cross, My Shame"

Last Thursday, a friend on Facebook posted a video featuring the song "You Are My All In All" sung by Nichole Nordeman and Point of Grace. I watched the video, being slightly familiar with the song, and it brought me to tears. Unlike many other contemporary Christian songs, the lyrics are meaningful, humble, and reverent. My mom's favorite passage is "Taking my sin, my cross, my shame/Rising up again, I bless Your name". Friday morning at breakfast, she told me it meant a lot to her because she could never imagine doing that herself. It takes such an awesome Individual to do that. She also made mention that He was a gentleman. This made me think of something I had read at one point. (If you know where it could have been that I read it, please tell me!) God is the only god of all men to sacrifice His Son for an undeserving people. This alone sets Him far apart from other gods. The fact that He would send His only Son to bear our sins, our crosses, our shames when we have done nothing -- absolutely nothing -- to deserve it is way beyond just interesting, touching, or cool. It is awe-inspiring, humbling, worth crying over.

Perhaps brought on by these reflective thoughts, I have finally heeded God's call. For months now, He has been calling me away from my dependency on the internet. Being stubborn, lazy, and habitual, I have each time told myself and God that I didn't need to cut back, I'd get things done, and it'd all be okay. But it's not. I do need to cut back, I wasn't getting anything done, and it wasn't all okay. Why on earth have I been struggling so much with whether or not I can guard my heart? Because my heart was being called away from God, and it was becoming very vulnerable. It's no one's fault but my own that I did not have the self-control to set limits for myself. But I no longer need be slave to my dependency. "The truth will set you free" indeed. I have finally realized the truth about my addiction and the experience will hopefully be freeing. At the time, it hurts. I am still proud and want to toss my resolve out the window; I want to go back to my old ways. But the only way things will change is if I change. And I believe cutting out much of my internet time will change quite a bit for me. Thanks for putting up with my rant; it's still pretty fresh in my mind and heart and I'm feeling the need to talk it out several times.

Ever growing, ever changing, ever seeking, ever hoping. May we all be drawn closer to Him during this week following the celebration of His resurrection.